Thoughts Illusions and Patterns of A Bohemian Gypsy

It hit me. The feeling of losing a friend I guess. Strait up. I got a text. And she said, "adios".  The most troubling part for me is, I have done this to a friend before.  This is where karma comes into play. Experiencing both sides of a situation.  I had no idea what I was doing. And I don't regret cutting ties, I just don't like how I went about doing it. But I never realized what kind of hurt I had caused till last night. And my friend saying she can't communicate with me anymore is only half of it. I know I can't assume responsibility for what happened. But when I was the one that connected 2 friends and then one friend gets threatened because the other friend keeps inviting certain people into her life; I feel a bit responsible for it.  I feel bad. Its like a pit in my stomach. I don't like that it happened. I can't control it. I know it's not my fault, but there is still that nagging sense that it was me who broug...

Today feels different. I feel hollow. Like a giant tree, but in the center is just a cavern full of echos and darkness. But it's a tree, so it feels homely still, even in the midst of the craziness.  Mostly I'm just tired of hiding. Hiding? Maybe more like lying. Yes, I have been lying to you. Most of you. Ok, pretty much all of you except a chosen few that made me feel comfortable enough that I didn't mind exploding my shit on them. It use to be worse. I can see it getting better externally. But there are still those moments where I feel a void of shit anger and angst and anxiety about what?.... I don't even know. If I had written this a year or two ago, you would see blood dripping from the moon as it fell like crimson honey to the earth below. I would stare up at the stars that I couldn't quite make out through the haze and drink in the madness. There were days where I could barely make myself crawl out of bed. The only reason I did was because in order t...

It was a random evening. From start to finish it was quite odd for me. I am a sensitive type. I know this. So I take into account for all the subtleties I feel. But usually, If Im feeling too many things at once, I tend to retreat into myself. This is when I go hibernate. First off, why the fuck is it still legal in some places to smoke your goddamn cigarettes inside?? This should have been my first clue; that out of all the places around town my buddy and his coworkers chose to go to, it was this gross fucking place they called a bar. And none of them even smoke cigarettes!!! WTF! I'm new to town, so I had no idea what I was getting into. But I could look passed it. I was there to have a good time, share a couple drinks and then bounce and go make music with my buddy. That never happened. Not only was I suffocating from the half dead old man sucking down the rest of his life away blowing smoke in my face, but also I regrettably decided to eat a bite of food...the food matche...