Thoughts Illusions and Patterns of A Bohemian Gypsy

Changing a paradigm takes whit and finesse. Or maybe you would rather wait for your reality to implode on itself, for you to realize that it is time to create a new one. Its all about what we focus on. And this is where it gets tricky. Because we all lie to ourselves. We say we are bringing awareness to the treachery, But really we are just caught in the same cycle of bull shit. We speak words of discontent, we put down the other in the name of our right. For what? So that those who align with our thoughts cheer us on, and those that don't align with our thought get angry at us? This does nothing. And talking shit about Trump, or Hilary, or this business or that bunisness, or this religion or that religion or this person or that person, does fucking nothing!! Literally nothing but continue the cycle of bull shit. Its simple really. Fear. That is your cause. You fear what you cannot control. You fear what you do not understand. And though you know...

I kept hearing things this past weekend. You know when something strikes you. I would hear someone say something and, though it was a nonchalant off handed statement. I would hear it on another level. The whole weekend was geared towards changing my paradigm for the most part. And I felt the shift happen, and then it took a few days for everything to assimilate. I think it might be another day or two before I am completely in tune with it. But I realized a few things. I can create what I want now, where I am now. I find myself in this limbo state of wishing for something when I can create it right here. For instance. I don't have my own space as far as living on my own is concerned. So I get stuck in wishing for a place of my own. When I could just utilize the space I do have and make it my own. So I will be revamping my room to make it more of my own. It doesn't matter when I decide to move out, I just need to do whats good for me. Also I haven't been...

Its been a crazy trip really. Amazing at every turn. A bit surreal almost. Connected with people I haven't seen a while. Lake Geneva day was beautiful and full of nuances of heart and head I guess. I started having thoughts about moving again. Moving to Chicago Moving to Colorado. At this point I'm confident I can make it happen anywhere I go. So the question I find myself asking is where would I be most productive and happy. I start looking for hippie vibe. Yoga, massage, outdoors things. Chicago sounds nice, and I think it would be fun, but really I feel like it would be more of the same like Atlanta. Being around family but never seeing them cause we are all busy and doing our own thing. And at that, the outdoors stuff is even more minimal. The buzz of hustle and bustle I think would start to get to me. And its pretty much the same price as living on my own in Atlanta. So then i think of Colorado or Utah where there is more of my people and vibe there. ...

I sat in silence/meditated for a few minutes the other day and found myself tired. I also had a thought that maybe sitting in silence and meditating are two different things. I used to think they were synonymous. But after this morning I realize that they are not. Meditating is the practice of focusing the mind. Sitting in silence as Kyle Cease challenged me, is to literally just sit in silence. And I assume to let the thoughts go. I found that one thought would lead to another. I would remember something from the day before or so, and it would bring some sort of clarity or settle in as a concrete thought instead of just a passing happenstance. For instance, my friend yesterday evening when I went to get a beer or two, mentioned that creating our own space helps find inspiration. We can be inspired easier within a space that is our own. Since we have both been talking about moving out of our parents house, becuase we find it stifling and what not. Had I not sat in sil...

I want to start a habit of sitting in silence. As dared by Kyle Cease. 'La Loving Logan'

I finally got some lovin. Just some cuddles and kisses and things. So there is that. I guess it was super random, but not at the same time. We knew we were going to be making. Met for a drink, talked shit. Then went to a nature preserve laid out a blanket and made out under the stars. I almost couldn't control myself and wanted more. But saner heads prevailed and we said goodbye. It was nice though. To just be close and cuddle with someone. I feel like we as a society sort of shun intimacy like that if you aren't committed to someone. At least it has to be hidden and kept on the down low in certain respects. Or maybe that is my own learned patterns that I am working towards unlearning. Any who. I also read some more of my book "Spirituality and Cannabis" last night. I have to say, its really getting me to think. And now that I'm going on week 2 of not smoking weed, I like the ideas that are coming in. To give weed the respect and reverence it deserve...

Work last night was interesting. I think I might have been tired from my workout. I have been focusing on getting back into a routine and building my energy back up. Ever since Panama City Beach, I messed up my routine and set myself back with the binging I did, then there was that other concert. But like I said yesterday, I can feel my attitude changing with alcohol. And I keep reading these, what do you call them, memes. Or like pictures with words, know what I'm saying? You find them on Instagram or Facebook. But I have read in several places, where it says alcohol causes more problems than weed. And I totally believe this to be true. So then I ask the question, why is alcohol legal and weed not? To which, I always assume that there is an insidious plot to dumb down humanity, create a society of fear and anger, and strip everyone of their true essence. So then it makes sense why weed is illegal and alcohol is legal. Its a crazy fucking conspiracy, but when you star...

The days have been good lately. And I attribute them to an intense focus in stopping old habits. I guess stopping old habits in a sense is creating new one's. But there hasn't been so much of a focus on actually creating a replacement habit. Which I think is a good idea to do. But I'll get to that later. Going strong with the marijuana. only smoked once in the last 2 weeks and that was 6 days ago. And I have no intention or inclination to do smoke again for a good while. I have noticed over the past few days the same thing starting to happen with alcohol. Its like I have to ween myself off of it. But I think the hardest part of it all is realizing that friend nuances will change. I mean when all we do when we get together is drink, it kind of changes the paradigm between friends when one isn't interested in drinking. Sure, we can all still hang out. But the late nights aren't as appealing. The 9 o'clock dinners don't excite too much. And come 7 o...

I started losing my mind last night. I've just been working too much lately. I worked every day last week plus 2 doubles which equals 8 shifts. And Sunday was not enough to recover from it. So then Monday I worked another double, and Wednesday of course I pick up and worked another double. And I started crashing hard come Wednesday night's shift. Yawning every 2 minutes. I noticed that when taking orders I was extremely slow. I did see these 2 beautiful twins again. One might be single, at least she is always alone with her sister and her man. But who knows. I was so out of it, I couldn't even carry on conversations really. But I have today off. I slept for about 9 hours strait, which never happens. I usually get about 6 and I wake up. I obviously needed it. Stoked about today though. Got a concert tonight with the bosses and a friend. Going to Ponce City Market and getting some kind of good ramen. Hell yeah!! And all in all, I feel relatively good. I ...

So I find it interesting how each day is noticeably building on the previous day. Which is obvious, thats kind of how it works. But I'm noticing the confidence returning, the confidence I remember having 6 or 7 years ago. I also am noticing the fear of putting myself out there and sharing who I am dropping away. I think I can tie it to a few things, one probably  being the cutting back on smoking. And its not even difficult anymore. Sure I smoked Sunday, but it wasn't a fight against myself, it was a conscious choice because I actually wanted too. Only to realize that I don't actually want to for the time being. Another is the intentions I have put out there. A month ago started a three month series of Super new moons, leading into an eclipse season. And on the first new moon I created a few intentions, one being to cultivate more confidence in myself and be able to carry on random conversations with people. Well let me tell you, that shit is working. First mont...