Cult: The Escape (pt 1.)

 Smashing heads,  and sweaty workout drills. 

Twice a day. A full game played each day. 

An entire season of sportsball, or football if that's what you like to call it, condensed into one week.

(I was too curious. I just looked it up.) 

They call it 'Man Camp' now. And I'm dead. 

If that name doesn't adequately and succinctly describe the essence of this one week devoted to God, I don't know what does. 

And that's where I was 16 years ago. Headed into my senior year. I was about to embark on my last year at the only school I had ever been to. Set within the walls of my church. I had spent my entire school life inside the walls of this building 7 days a week. 

That't kindergarten to 11th grade. 12 years up to this point. And 7 days a week is no exaggeration. 

Monday through Friday for school. Saturday all day winning souls to Jesus and inviting people to church. Twice on Sundays and Wednesday evenings for some good 'ole fashion preaching. And if you missed any of these appointments you would receive the a demerit in some shape or form.

I was a senior now. I was supposed to be the leader of the youth group. Freshman were looking up to me. It was my time to step up. 

And that was the conviction I felt during this week of hell fire preaching while wearing tights and playing with balls. I won't lie, I loved it. 

I was never afforded the opportunity to indulge in full contact football. We played intramural basketball within the circle of connected churches, and that was it. 

After this week of being set on fire for God, I can remember the ride home in the van at night. All the boys asleep except my youth pastor and I. The conversation with him to be honest, was quite riveting. 

I remember the feelings self importance, and a true heartfelt desire to hit the school year strong and on fire for Jesus. I was excited to get home and tell my parents all about it. I was excited for the feelings of empowerment about taking responsibility and stepping up to lead the youth group in a positive, Godly direction. 

The feeling wouldn't last long though. 

When I got home, there was a surprise waiting for me. 

A shock to the system.

The next night right before bed, maybe a week before school was to start. My parents didn't even sit me down. 

It was like a 'rip the band aid off' moment for them, I'm sure. 

They sat on the couch, I stood at the top of the stairs having just said good night.

"We need to tell you something", said my dad in a serious tone. 

"Ok"

"Your mother and I are getting a divorce". 

I didn't say much. I think I said "Ok"

There wasn't an explanation. Just a shock to my system really. I went downstairs to bed and all I remember thinking and crying about, was I didn't want to hate my dad. I assumed and somewhat knew that it was dad that had initiated it.

All I knew about divorce, was from friends who came into our church and school, whom had already been through a split home. They always resented one parent or the other. 

Families in the church just didn't split up. It was one of those big sins against God. Even though God didn't judge one sin over the other, the church did apparently. 

At this point me and my sister knew what to expect, though I didn't quite put 2 and 2 together during this time. We knew the judgments and questions would ensue. 

Dad wanted to put us in the local public school, and honestly I thought that was the coolest idea. I think deep down I saw it was a way to experience all that I was kept from. Like stepping foot on another planet for the first time, I imagined. 

Mom was still bought into the idea of cultural purity. Public school was next to having Satan as a teacher. We couldn't chance letting the devil sneak in and destroy my sister's and I's pure minds. 

So what do we do? My sister and I flat out did not want to go to the school we had grown up in, with our friends we had been with our entire lives. The only friends we had, and we knew judgments and prying questions would come, and why on earth would we want to deal with that?

Since public school was out of the question, and clearly sis and I were drawing a hard line on the cult school. A move to Georgia, to be next to family, was the next best option. And it wasn't very difficult to convince mom of this. Its where she grew up. 

And that was that. 

Within 2 weeks we were driving down to Georgia to begin a new life. My entire reality ripped apart. Everything I knew was beginning to twist in on itself. 

But I was still bought in. 

I hand't entirely left the cult in my mind. In my body sure. 

My senior year was spent with new friends that I met for the first time stepping into class 2 weeks late. I did get to play contact football, maybe 2 games before I hurt my foot and was out for the season.

I experienced my first kiss. She tried to convince me to 'go all the way', but like I said, I was still all about Jesus in my head. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. Save myself for marriage. 

Oh how that purity mindset shifted later.

I experienced  more pop culture than anyone should take in at one time. 

My first movie theater.

New music I didn't even know what to do with.

My first date.

Friends who were different and didn't believe the same thing I believed. 

It was fun. It was new. It was culturally exhilarating. 

But I was still drawn back to the cult in Chicago. 

And after graduating high school I would go back. I missed my life long friends. There was a Bible college a part of the cult. What a splendid idea.

(to be continued).....