actually I think I am happy. I'm happy with where I am at in life, but looking forward to making shit better. I doon't have any regrets right now. excpet for maybe the part where I blacked out the other night after drinking 9 beers.
once I start, and there is an opportunity to stay out late, I don't seem to stop. And its interesting because I don't get that feeling of being drunk, I just start to notice that I \slowly become an asshole. I didn't even pay for my drink at the bar the other night. I blacked out after the second round of bud-light.
I assume I left after that,but I have no idea. I was hung over all the next day.
Besides that moment I'm genuinely happy. I have been doing things each day to feed into the energy of my passions and what I truly want to do.
reading, writing, getting GA massage license, Painting a little, I need to start a new project.
I also have been in this head space of finding a girl to be with. I had my eyes on someone and now I feel the energy shifting in that regards. It was a physical attraction, that was not accompanied by a mental attraction. Good friend, but probably would not make a good couple for long term perspective.
Its the difference in beliefs. I don't like religion and most people around these parts are very religious. And yes, we should be able to live in harmony with others religions, but it seems to be the case that it just doesn't happen, where people can be really close and have different beliefs.
The way I see things is drastically different then how most religious people see things. There is also this underlying rehearsed nuance of statements. Things that you are supposed to be said and what not.
So what eves. I felt it shift and that is fine. Its better to not force something like that. It taints it and becomes a weird vibe at that point.
I guess I;m more focused on conversational pieces. I thought maybe she was like me though, where it just takes time for me to warm up and be able to carry on a fun flirty conversation. But maybe so, either way it came to a shift. And that might not mean that the whole thing has to be written off, but the flair of attraction, or maybe infatuation faded.
And maybe its at that point that the friendship takes on more seriousness, not and the focus of friends becomes more paramount than wading through the nuances of seriousness as far as relationships go.
I see beautiful people and want to know them. Focus on getting to know a mother fucker as friends first. Be a friend to everyone.
Be solid in what I am doing. unashamed, excited about who I am and where I am going. Be extactic about where I am at now and look to glean information from people. get to know them, where they have been, where they are at and where they are going. What is going on in their lives.
I have created this focus, which I did as an intention for the new moon, super new moon to be exact. I want to be more gregarious and open with people. I need to be open with myself and gregarious with myself and look to please no one and be happy and high on life.
I feel good about all this.
How do I go about dating? how the fuck does that work. Ask someone out? does that imply seriousness? I don't know what this means. I know nothing. let it play out naturally. but then does anything really play out with out a focused energy into something,. usually not how you intend, I feel.
Any ways, Just do you boo boo. Or do me shmee shmee. Its all good. I'm done.
To another day and steering through the nuances of energetic exchange that I completely feel lost in and don't understand. Buuuuut, making myself look at it from an energetic perspective, kind of creates a beginning understanding of something. Like I have a frame work to look at life from now and the subtle nuances of people i can begin to understand from this frame work. hmm... focus on how I feel around certain people. and how I feel about what they say. oooh then express how I feel. that is being truthful and authentic about who I am.
Ok cool. I like this new edge of reality. Time to explore.
La Loving Logan