Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Post Modern Idea

Changing a paradigm takes whit and finesse.

Or maybe you would rather wait for your reality to implode on itself, for you to realize that it is time to create a new one.

Its all about what we focus on.

And this is where it gets tricky.

Because we all lie to ourselves.

We say we are bringing awareness to the treachery,

But really we are just caught in the same cycle of bull shit.

We speak words of discontent, we put down the other in the name of our right.

For what?

So that those who align with our thoughts cheer us on, and those that don't align with our thought get angry at us?

This does nothing.

And talking shit about Trump, or Hilary, or this business or that bunisness, or this religion or that religion or this person or that person, does fucking nothing!!

Literally nothing but continue the cycle of bull shit.

Its simple really.

Fear.

That is your cause.

You fear what you cannot control.

You fear what you do not understand.

And though you know in your heart you are right and correct,

You still fear.

Then lash out thinking you might help this existential issue.

But you don't.  The reality is, you help it persist.

Then what, might you ask, do we do about this absurdity?

We focus on whats good.

We focus on the WORK that is being done that actually brings enlightenment.

We look at Leonardo DiCaprio and all the work he has been doing.

Don't listen to the words.

Don't think that your words pouring out of your mouth with a good intention to tell the other how wrong they are is going to do anything.

People don't listen.

People imitate.

People don't forget.

They learn to forgive.

When the insidious powers that be look down on us they smile.

They smile when they see both sides of the societal drones all humming along in a state of fear and anger.

Because it is with fear and anger that they control you and I.

Just look at every story on the news.

More words.

I would rather create my own story of good will and love.

'La Loving Logan'

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Newness and The Ideas

I kept hearing things this past weekend.

You know when something strikes you.

I would hear someone say something and, though it was a nonchalant off handed statement. I would hear it on another level.

The whole weekend was geared towards changing my paradigm for the most part.

And I felt the shift happen, and then it took a few days for everything to assimilate. I think it might be another day or two before I am completely in tune with it.

But I realized a few things.

I can create what I want now, where I am now.

I find myself in this limbo state of wishing for something when I can create it right here.

For instance. I don't have my own space as far as living on my own is concerned. So I get stuck in wishing for a place of my own.

When I could just utilize the space I do have and make it my own.

So I will be revamping my room to make it more of my own. It doesn't matter when I decide to move out, I just need to do whats good for me.

Also I haven't been doing the things I know that I want and need to do.

I drink alcohol, not much, but enough to keep me locked in the same cycle of bullshit. I would even slowly ween myself off of it, when if I just put it up, my strides would be so much  more significant.

I also had an idea of canceling my gym membership and focusing solely on yoga and getting that certification. Since that has been on my mind recently and it is what I want. Why not go for it.

I don't know exactly why I make up excuses for it. But its so simple. I want a yoga cert. Then focus my energy and resources in getting yoga certification.

So now I am looking to move again. Doing in a smart way this time.

Where I ever I go, I will be able to sunsatin myself decently and allow myself the time to get acclimated and find a job and what not.

That means money saved up.

This also means I will be taking a few trips to some key points of interest and feeling out the areas.

Honestly though, I feel like I already know I belong in Boulder CO. or Fort Collins. Somehwere around there. I feel that pull the greatest.

Then is Flaggstaff Az. They have the energy focus and hippie vibe there, although I think the hippie vibe aligns more in Boulder with my tastes.

Then Salt Lake City, but I honestly don't see that happening. As much as it would be fun to live by my bro. I just don't feel it.

So, I am on a mission.

Saving money/ alleviating debt.
creating my own space with the space that I have.
Pursuing my deepest desires fully. (take the time and energy that I am putting into other things and put it into yoga) Cancel gymn membership, start doing calisthenics, I even have a spot in the back yard where I could build my own gymn. And I love working out outdoors so.

This all excites me. And I seem to feel a new vibrance for life and a confidence in who I am with all of it.

I would say I have found a why for my current state of affairs. A driven why, A why I don't mind sacrificing for.

Till next time

'La Loving Logan'

Sunday, August 12, 2018

To Move or Where to Move

Its been a crazy trip really. Amazing at every turn.

A bit surreal almost.

Connected with people I haven't seen a while. Lake Geneva day was beautiful and full of nuances of heart and head I guess.

I started having thoughts about moving again. Moving to Chicago

Moving to Colorado.

At this point I'm confident I can make it happen anywhere I go.

So the question I find myself asking is where would I be most productive and happy.

I start looking for hippie vibe. Yoga, massage, outdoors things.

Chicago sounds nice, and I think it would be fun, but really I feel like it would be more of the same like Atlanta. Being around family but never seeing them cause we are all busy and doing our own thing.

And at that, the outdoors stuff is even more minimal. The buzz of hustle and bustle I think would start to get to me.

And its pretty much the same price as living on my own in Atlanta.

So then i think of Colorado or Utah where there is more of my people and vibe there. Outdoors activities with people who align with how I think.

And even in some parts, its cheaper.

So now I am at a place where I feel like I can pretty much choose where ever I want to go and then carve it out. And if I keep looking at the next move as a stepping block to the next place, then why shouldn't I align it closest to what it is I truly want.

I find myself sacrificing all these things, one for the sake of having my own place and then working towards a larger goal. But this weekend got me to thinking that I can pretty much do that anywhere.

Atlanta I have family there.

Chicago I have family there.

So there is somewhat of a safety net per se.

I think about living in Atlanta for another year or so while I pursue different certifications, even though this massage thing is giving me shit.

So then I think, why can't I pursue certifications in a place that appeals to me.

Chicago does, but I find myself looking for the hippies spots and people and then it gets weird cause i'm still stuck in high rise buildings and cement jungles.

So I could go to Colorado or Utah and be in a space where people are into that sort of thing and pursue what it is I want.

Yeah, so I got some things to think about. I believe I will put down on paper all the options and then pros and cons list for each and weigh the options and see what I find most attractive and see where my heart wants to take me.

Once I get back to Atlanta I think I new realm of thoughts and ideas will settle in. We shall see.

'La Loving Logan'


Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Sitting In Silence

I sat in silence/meditated for a few minutes the other day and found myself tired.

I also had a thought that maybe sitting in silence and meditating are two different things.

I used to think they were synonymous.

But after this morning I realize that they are not.

Meditating is the practice of focusing the mind.

Sitting in silence as Kyle Cease challenged me, is to literally just sit in silence. And I assume to let the thoughts go.

I found that one thought would lead to another. I would remember something from the day before or so, and it would bring some sort of clarity or settle in as a concrete thought instead of just a passing happenstance.

For instance, my friend yesterday evening when I went to get a beer or two, mentioned that creating our own space helps find inspiration. We can be inspired easier within a space that is our own.

Since we have both been talking about moving out of our parents house, becuase we find it stifling and what not.

Had I not sat in silence and found my thoughts leading me back to that moment, I may not have had a settling in of that idea. I may have forgotten about it. But I noticed a comforting feeling of realizing that and remember her words.

An easy breath into that thought and now I know that idea will stick with me. And I can maybe even do what I can with the space that I am in to make it my own create a little bit of some inspiration.

The thoughts continued to flow from one spectrum to the other, leading me all the way to existential crisis' of the world.

But at the same time another concretness in why and what we could do to change it. And these are just ideas.

I mean nothing will truly change until every one becomes conscious and aware of our own contribution to what is happening, one. And two, nothing will change until the collective actually realizes something is wrong. I think one and two should probably be reversed, that would make more sense.

But I see everyone more interested in filling the nuances of thought and space with bull shit that doesn't truly matter.

Most people would rather keep up with the Kardashians who do fuck all for anyone or anything outside of gaining more prestige and money.

When Leonardo DiCaprio is actually doing things to help change the world and bring awareness to the heinous horse shit that is happening, and then changing it.

But I think a turn in attitude and attention would cause people to actually accept the fact that there are evil things happening. And that we are playing a part in it. But who wants to admit that its our fault that children are starving, dying, being sold into slavery and used as sex slaves.

Its fucked up and for the moment people find it easier to ignore than meet head on.

And I could go on and on because my thoughts went on and on, but here was my other idea.

And a few people have done it and found some paradigm shifts I believe. But bringing a law suit against the government about what ever it may be.

For instance, there are kids bringing a law suit against the government because we are having to breath contaminated air.

We could bring a law suit against the government for cutting funding to public education, and fundamental human right. Especially since there are plenty of scientific studies that tell us that the arts and education actually help with what is plaguing our society right now.

We could bring a law suit against the corporations for basically buying out human rights.

These are just my ideas but I feel like they could be run with. Especially since its already being done on some platforms.

'La Loving Logan'

Monday, August 6, 2018

Silence

I want to start a habit of sitting in silence.

As dared by Kyle Cease.

'La Loving Logan'

What is Love, Baby Don't Hurt Me

I finally got some lovin. Just some cuddles and kisses and things.

So there is that.

I guess it was super random, but not at the same time. We knew we were going to be making. Met for a drink, talked shit. Then went to a nature preserve laid out a blanket and made out under the stars.

I almost couldn't control myself and wanted more. But saner heads prevailed and we said goodbye.

It was nice though. To just be close and cuddle with someone. I feel like we as a society sort of shun intimacy like that if you aren't committed to someone. At least it has to be hidden and kept on the down low in certain respects. Or maybe that is my own learned patterns that I am working towards unlearning.

Any who. I also read some more of my book "Spirituality and Cannabis" last night.

I have to say, its really getting me to think. And now that I'm going on week 2 of not smoking weed, I like the ideas that are coming in.

To give weed the respect and reverence it deserves, for me personally, I can't be smoking every day. It starts to dilute the experience and causes a dependency on it in a way that, I have to smoke to relax, or just because I'm off work, I need to smoke.

So I like the idea of giving it a break. The word they used was a fast from weed. So that when I do smoke it, I feel the full sensations of it.

Also who grows it, with what intention, and in what environment all effect the high that the plant gives. Which is probably why I would get paranoid and not be able to think real clearly when smoking what I do have. It didn't necessarily come from a very well intentioned source.

So all these things are getting me to think. And its not even difficult to not smoke anymore. I past the hump I guess.

Beer is still there. But I see that slowly fading into mere nothing-ness.

So, I think I'm trying to decide how much I enjoyed my sexy time last night.

It was purely a physical attraction. And we were able to carry on a random conversation. I have the feeling that she was in the same boat as far as it having been a while since she was close to anyone physically.

I get a slight feeling that we could create a deeper connection, but at the same time, a long term investment as far getting serious is concerned, didn't seem to be there.

And I think I'm way overthinking it, but this is what I do. And who knows, I could be totally wrong. I don't exactly know her that well. Just met her really.

I guess as much as I like to overthink things. I like to leave things up to a whimsy and fancy. I like spontaneity. I like exploring and seeing what happens and where things go.

I guess it's fair to assume people go about doing that in different ways.

I mean I'm talking to another girl who has been holding out, and probably will hold out for a while. And thats cool. But when it comes down to it, in this moment. I'm going to call last nights girl first.

Why?

Because I'm extremely sexual and want physical touch more than anything at this point.

Do I want a serious relationship with someone I can get to know on a deep level. Yeah.

But I feel like when I meet that person we will just know. You sort of feel that connection, or the potential of that connection before it every truly manifests.

And maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm just wishing.

But while I may not be able to explain it verbatim, I have a pretty sure feeling of what it is I am looking for.

Something mental, physical obviously, which is probably the first thing, then would come the mental, then emotional and spiritual.

But I also see spiritual as an all encompassing thing.

Where most people might see spiritual as what religion or god you follow, I see that as a commonality trait, or a difference of opinion.

Spirituality is the culmination of physical, emotional, and mental in my mind.

Because we are spirit. That is our true nature, our true essence. So what ever we are made up of is the sum total of spirit.

And this is probably where my deepness of thought and feeling of connection might come into play.

When I work out, its because I want to take care of my body, I want to be able to create a space for a higher expression of who I am. When I look at creating a better emotional container for myself, its for my progress as a human being and who I am. When I start to overthink things its always from a space of evolving into something higher.

It all plays into spirit. I don't see spirituality as just one thing I work on, but something that is fostered through all aspects of my humanity.

And I'm pretty confident I will find that special someone or someones that does align with how I see things, and we will resonate on some deep level.

But until I find that, I would like to enjoy the random connections I make with others.

And lets face it, I'm not going to let my self get so pent up and stressed sexually in the name of waiting or searching for that one.

I think life just unfolds and as I get to know myself more, and better, I put out into the universe that energy and intention and its a progress of building on everything I have learned and starts to attract that likeness.

While at the same time being opposite. Cause we all know opposites attract, but its always of the same energetic sequence. Magnetism attracts magnetism, but its the opposite poles or charges that come together.

Well I rambled. I think to find a peace about fucking around really.

I have gone through this weird learning and unlearning about sex and what it means and what it is.

I used to fuck randoms and it got to the point where it wasn't satisfying anymore. So stopped doing that and started looking for deeper connections.

But then I found myself all pent up and sexually stressed from not getting it in.

So now I'm thinking its ok to hook up with a random. But don't "turn and burn" or "hit it and quit it". At least not for me. Let the energy foster, let it move and become something, what ever it may want to turn into.

And have fun. No need to completely overthink all of it. All though, overthinking is kind of my staple so I have to, to some degree.

 And there it is.

'La Loving Logan'

Sunday, August 5, 2018

A Random Rant

Work last night was interesting. I think I might have been tired from my workout.

I have been focusing on getting back into a routine and building my energy back up. Ever since Panama City Beach, I messed up my routine and set myself back with the binging I did, then there was that other concert.

But like I said yesterday, I can feel my attitude changing with alcohol. And I keep reading these, what do you call them, memes. Or like pictures with words, know what I'm saying? You find them on Instagram or Facebook.

But I have read in several places, where it says alcohol causes more problems than weed. And I totally believe this to be true.

So then I ask the question, why is alcohol legal and weed not?

To which, I always assume that there is an insidious plot to dumb down humanity, create a society of fear and anger, and strip everyone of their true essence.

So then it makes sense why weed is illegal and alcohol is legal.

Its a crazy fucking conspiracy, but when you start looking at it; it really isn't it.

They have been cutting funding to our education systems since probably the 70's. Of which the first programs to be cut were the arts.

And people really didn't do anything.

There is the history of prohibition and the drug wars. Which if one actually does their research, it makes no fucking sense. Just like it makes no sense why weed is illegal and alcohol is legal, unless you look at it from an insidious agenda point of view.

Politics and special interests groups have become convolutedly dependent on one another. And problem have gotten to the point where the special interest groups own the politicians now.

Society cares more about luxuries of materialism and pride of country, than the state of humanity and creating a more loving and unified world.

People say this is "our land", when in fact we took it by force, by means of mass genocide, and built it off the backs of slavery.

God I could go on, but it's disheartening. And then I wonder why we aren't doing anything about it. But what could we do?

We go out and march in the street at the expense of our job, because they would replace us come Wednesday.

We write letters to our representatives, but they care more about lining their pockets with blood money from the special interests groups calling the shots.

We try to have conversations with people and its always an argument about how is stupid and you can't believe you would even believe that, blah blah blah it just goes in circles.

Dogmatism is the sin of our time.

What if I started a T-shirt company with witty sayings that got both sides thinking? Like, umm...."your Jesus is my Allah, You've all slaughtered innocence"

or,..."Donkey vs Elephant - Dumb Ass vs Slow Fuck" but like in the same font and design

or,..."Iran Contra, Water Gate, Vietnam, 9/11"

or..."By the people, for the poeple - does not equal- By the politicians for the rich fuckers"

It would probably just make people angry.

Who knows what to do anymore?

Its easy to get sucked into the existential rabbit hole thinking to which I always end up nowhere cause everything seems hopeless.

But I always come back to one question. What can I personally do?

And the answer is always the same, just be the change. Do what I can in this moment right now to make my own reality what I wish the collective reality to be.

Be uplifting. Don't judge. Do the little things every day that play into the reality I wish to create and slowly but surely my reality will change for the better.

Focus on the good thats happening in the world. Because I do believe there is more good happening in the world than bad. Its just we buy into the mass medias agenda and believe what ever the fuck they say, instead of doing our own research and thinking independently.

God that makes me think of my idea that I want to create a positive based news outlet. Talk about all the good things happening.

I think I should start finding one good story a day, that shed light and brings joy and excitement to people.

Like how someone is bringing water to dessert town. Or how a kid figured out a way to clean the oceans.

These types of stories. Starting now.

'La Loving Logan'