Focus On the Good Shit

The focus must change. I set out on a knowledge rampage to figure out how things worked. Politics, education, earth cycles in nature from micro to macro, spirituality, health, all these and more; I spent the better part of 6 years systematically diving into areas that peaked my interest, that I didn’t understand. All I wanted was to know how it worked, so I could utilize these systems better for myself.

What I have found is that I don’t like any of the systems.

This is where I became lost, upset, angry, indignant, frustrated, sad, all culminating in a, “what the fuck is the point”, attitude. No knowing how to change anything because it is all so grossly messed up.

Someone told me once, “you can either walk around jaded the rest of your life, or you can just pursue and enjoy what matters most”. I took this with an edge of disdain. I know that it’s simple like that. But for me, its so goddamn difficult to “let go” and move one per se.

I saw all these fucked up systems as crimes against humanity. And I wanted them fixed, like now. I still do. But knowing how crazy messed up it is, I realize how much of a switch in thinking it is going to take. And I came to this realization before, and that’s this; I basically want everyone in the world to change their multiple paradigms of thought on all levels through all facets.

I want everyone to turn away from ego-centric to world-centric and focus on the tasks at hand, which is, FIX THE FUCKING WORLD!!

It’s my nature. It is the way I think. I don’t know if there is a word for it. I don’t know if there are other people like me. Met a few that come close, but mostly I have always been the odd one. Parents don’t understand where I get my ideas. Even the people who do care and want things to change, I sometimes find fallacy in their ideas, as not being practical enough, or not focusing on the right issue for a certain agenda. WOW, What the fuck!?

I just realized that, that is me. Im not practical enough, I don’t focus on the right issues for certain agendas. I see this now. I need to do this writing thing more often.

It’s not that I’m too grandiose with my head in the clouds, but more like I create expectations of how the world should be around me, and focus on the outlying contingencies that aren’t even practical to the current moment of affairs.

Sure, I see the potential for a utopian society built on love for self and the people and world around you. Built on art, expression, love and an authentic way of being that doesn’t call for a specific way to do things, but a way that best suits you for your individual needs and desires.

This is not all bad. But it is debilitating when I focus on the negative and wanting to change it. I know this and I desperately need to be reminded of it.

Its not so much about changing the negative as it is about focusing on what it is that I want. I want the education system to change, maybe that means right now in this moment I can educate myself in ways that best suits me. I was reading Wikihow on how to build a secret basement. And it was surprising how simple they explained it. This is just one of my ideas for when I buy property.

I want politics to change, maybe I should focus on what I can do politically, locally in my own neighborhood.

I can volunteer, I can open up, I can rid this demon of a looming shadow and utilize it as a passionate drive to create a better world for my own sake. Selfish? Fuck yea it is. I want a sustainable living home; I want to eat fruit and veggies grown with love knowing where they came from on a personal level. I want to take action on bringing better air quality to where I live. And that right there I believe is the changing point.

ACTION!

I realize I have been so engrossed in my own awareness of things and my inner world of conflict that I miss the opportunities to create my own change. I looked up places to volunteer around me and felt a tiny surge of excitement when I found a few that I feel align with my desires.

So much focus has been on manipulating the outside world to bend to my wishes. Get a job so I can pay off debt, good idea and needs to be done, but it turns into how many jobs can I get now to work off debt usually at the expense of my sanity and well-being.

Maybe instead, just do something. Something that feeds my soul in a different way than what I have been doing.

I meditate a little, been doing yoga, write, play a bit of music and these things help but there is still something missing. I need to reach out, share my gifts whatever they are. Just start sharing my time and I feel that another world may open up in ways that I didn’t think possible.

Focus, Change, Action. These things I need.

Focus on what is in front of me.

     Debt. Don’t’ necessarily focus on the debt, but focus on paying it off.

    Change, be able to do things differently, look for something new to do. 

    Volunteer my time and energy to helping people and feeding energy into the utopian way that I want things to be.

    Take action, just do it. Stop thinking so much and get out and do something. I have been too much of a loner lately, sitting inside doing my yoga and stretches, going to the gymn, wrting, Isolating myself for the sake of what? Making myself better? Sounds like a cop out almost. Sure I need that down time where I can be alone sometimes, but I can get excessive with this. Shut everything out and miss out on being a part of something bigger than myself. I see that this robs me of a chance to make a differece not just in myself but in the world around me, and the people around me.

So, I’m picking a spot and I’m doing it. It always sounds so simple when I come into a realization and set out to change what ever aspect of me it is, as if the months I spend lost in my head were a complete waste of time because of how simple it actually is.

Georgia, around Newnan is where it will be, maybe Palmetto. But either way,

                Property – build ecofriendly home, garden, sustainable living. You know, the utopian way that I know things can be

                Debt. I don’t like this word, so how about Financial Freedom. The freedom to do what I want financially. Let this be my driving force for working simply and enjoying my work. Plamers. And I keep feeling I should apply elsewhere too. Delta

                Volunteer opportunities for climate change, and animal shelters, and teaching kids to read.

                Do, and do well. Just do it. Action, and the movie plays.

I feel a bit lighter for this. I noticed after my rantings from the last post, while it felt good to vent and just say shit. Afterward I realized there was no hope in it. It was a blast of hate, anger, worry, and an ill fate of contempt.

This is why I wanted to write this here, and I believe it to be a good practice for me. Maybe the more I write of the goodness I see and what can be done and what not, then the more it will open my mind to the goodness in life. I mean come on, it’s the safest time in human history to be alive. People are living longer now than they have in over 2,000 years and way longer than that, I just don’t know the exact numbers. But Im pretty sure I remember learning in my anthropology class that those old ass human mother fuckers from like 50,000 years ago didn’t live much past 50….so. Yeah!! We’re doing something right.

And I know that this generation that is here now is fucking brilliant and are doing more than I could ever imagine to create this utopian society that I know can exist.

They are fixing the waters, helping the climate, finding inner emotional peace from the generational onslaught of decadent emotional tragedies and it’s fucking beautiful. OOOH Fuck yeah!!

There are so many beautiful things happening and I have been focusing on the shit. Fuck the shit.

Throw it at buffoons and then wipe my ass with their begrudging nuances and BE THE CHANGE I WISH TO SEE!

It’s simple. It always has been. Hard and strenuous, yes, and it should be. Anything worth fighting for has always been hard work. But to keep it simple and focus on the good things that can be done is such a freeing thought. Mmm.

Fuck yeah, and thank you. Nama-fucking-ste yo!

“La Loving Logan”