Confidence

Building confidence is like building anything. 

Start with a foundation, lay down some bricks of experience and putting colorful bricks out there that go against the grain of normalcy. 

Pretty soon, I have put myself out there in few random moments and there is this foundation of who I am sitting on the floor. 

Then I add a few more bricks and a few walls. I had to learn where to put the walls, cause sometimes I made them too thick, then had to knock them down, Then I made them of the wrong stuff, so had to knock them down. 

But eventually, I found the perfect wall to keep what I don't want out?? Or maybe to sort of hide what I don't want seen. 

But I still put some random ass windows in for peering out, to which I know peeople could peer in. But thats the vulnerabity part. And being vulnerable while I build cause I'm swinging a hammer and my back is to the world maybe, or maybe I can see all around me, but I'm preoccupied with building this personal thing called confidence.

And pretty soon, I'm pretty strong and got a firm structure of who I am all around me. A roof comes with more time and experience. 

Then I get to decorate and put pretty flowery things all over the place and paint the walls a goddamn bright fucking color. Cause rainbows and unicorns bitch.

When I change who I am so drastically and so many times over the course of just a few years. I guess what I need to accept and realize is that my confidence in who I am changes. 

Because here is this new person I don't totally know or understand, and that is ok. But give it time and I will become more aware of my personality. More confident in the newness of my being. 

I can't expect to just be 100% understanding of all I have changed to be. Understanding takes time. Self love, and respect and openness will go a long way. 

Be Free, Be Me.

I've noticed more confidence at work in talking to people. I approach more. It just takes time, that seem to be the common theme. The more I put myself out there and lay those random brick in front of me, the more I find inner confidence in who I am. 

Its all good. 

La Loving Logan

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