Moving Forward, Blushing

I started losing my mind last night.

I've just been working too much lately.

I worked every day last week plus 2 doubles which equals 8 shifts. And Sunday was not enough to recover from it.

So then Monday I worked another double, and Wednesday of course I pick up and worked another double.

And I started crashing hard come Wednesday night's shift. Yawning every 2 minutes.

I noticed that when taking orders I was extremely slow.

I did see these 2 beautiful twins again. One might be single, at least she is always alone with her sister and her man.

But who knows. I was so out of it, I couldn't even carry on conversations really.

But I have today off. I slept for about 9 hours strait, which never happens. I usually get about 6 and I wake up.

I obviously needed it.

Stoked about today though. Got a concert tonight with the bosses and a friend. Going to Ponce City Market and getting some kind of good ramen. Hell yeah!!

And all in all, I feel relatively good. I am bit excited to see what happens with the energy behind the bar come next week.

More curious to see what that one bar tender decides. Not sure if he will step down to serving or attempt to go tend bar somewhere else.

But if he stays, then there will be that nuance hanging around. But I don't exactly see him doing that, but then again I don't actually know him that well.

I backed out of a trip to New Orleans in October with a bunch of people. It sounded fun, but then when I heard how they were planning it, I immediately began making other plans in my head, wondering if I could get my own hotel room and what not. That would just be ridiculously expensive and kind of out of the way to do anyway.

Besides the trip was probably going to be an easy grand siphoned out of my bank account anyway, and staying in a hotel room with 6 people, sharing the bed with drunken messes. I mean I know I would be drunk, but at this point in my life, I'm just not that into it.

So New Orleans will have to await my presence when I can be more chill about it and experience it the way I want to experience it.

I feel good about this decision. I would rather drop a grand on a snowmobile, yurt trip for my birthday come March. Plus I would love to go snowboarding some where close, maybe do a cabin trip with people. We shall see.

I love whats happening with me. I can feel the energy shifting. I can feel the confidence building. I realized the other day that I'm starting to be able to read the subtle nuances of people.

When I say people, I mean women that I meet.

Yesterday during the day shift, these two beautiful women came in and I mean they're make up was on point, hair was all did fancy and they were in their workout/pj clothes lol.

But they looked good. And I noticed a reaction when the one turned to look at me when I approached the table. Almost a taken back kind of reaction. Then she started playing with her hair and almost covering her eyes or face in a nervous way.

I thought it was cute. So then I decided to tell them both what I thought about they're beautifulness.

To which the one girl blushed big time, and did the hair thing again. It was adorable.

But that reminds me of the other night behind the bar with another bar tender, we'll reference him as Prince, cause hes gay and so flamboyant and amazing and wonderful.

And let me tell you, learning how to handle and spin off of Prince's crazy antics and the things he says, is a whole other learning curve, anyways.

I was helping this beautiful couple, and Prince was making a special cocktail, one of many that he makes. And the beautiful lady had what Prince was making minus the special stuff he was putting in it.

She said she wanted another one, but one like Prince was making. Well I didn't know how he was making it, so I say to Prince...

"Hey Prince, she wants one with the special stuff"

"Oh everyone knows you have the special stuff, but I'll make her a drink" says Prince, in his seductive sexual way.

To which the beautiful girl laugh hysterically and covered her mouth, and I blush like I have never blushed before. So caught off guard, I had no idea what to say.

I could feel my entire body heat up and and blood rush to my face. I new I was beat red.

But anyway, yeah, that was my blushing story. I guess I deserve it if I keep making chics blush.

But its fun, so whatever.

Anyway. There was really no point to this rant, except to just let the thoughts out at will.

I should say that I am grateful.

I am grateful for..

- where I work and the people I work with, because they all give a damn about the individual persons.
- where I am at in life right now and that I am afforded the opportunity to learn something new. And this time I'm being paid to do it!! Bartending that is.
- the ability to save money, and am really striving to move into my own space by January February.
- my friends, old and new and the blessing they bestow on me just by being who they are.
- for the love in my life, and the ability to learn how to love myself more each day, and take care of myself. Which in turn helps me to love others more openly and take care of others with a grounding attitude.

To becoming more confident in who I am, and learning more about my own emotions and reading the social and emotional cues of others. Its been a long long process of forgiving myself and loving myself, but every step has been worth it.

Till next time.

'La Loving Logan'