What is Love, Baby Don't Hurt Me

I finally got some lovin. Just some cuddles and kisses and things.

So there is that.

I guess it was super random, but not at the same time. We knew we were going to be making. Met for a drink, talked shit. Then went to a nature preserve laid out a blanket and made out under the stars.

I almost couldn't control myself and wanted more. But saner heads prevailed and we said goodbye.

It was nice though. To just be close and cuddle with someone. I feel like we as a society sort of shun intimacy like that if you aren't committed to someone. At least it has to be hidden and kept on the down low in certain respects. Or maybe that is my own learned patterns that I am working towards unlearning.

Any who. I also read some more of my book "Spirituality and Cannabis" last night.

I have to say, its really getting me to think. And now that I'm going on week 2 of not smoking weed, I like the ideas that are coming in.

To give weed the respect and reverence it deserves, for me personally, I can't be smoking every day. It starts to dilute the experience and causes a dependency on it in a way that, I have to smoke to relax, or just because I'm off work, I need to smoke.

So I like the idea of giving it a break. The word they used was a fast from weed. So that when I do smoke it, I feel the full sensations of it.

Also who grows it, with what intention, and in what environment all effect the high that the plant gives. Which is probably why I would get paranoid and not be able to think real clearly when smoking what I do have. It didn't necessarily come from a very well intentioned source.

So all these things are getting me to think. And its not even difficult to not smoke anymore. I past the hump I guess.

Beer is still there. But I see that slowly fading into mere nothing-ness.

So, I think I'm trying to decide how much I enjoyed my sexy time last night.

It was purely a physical attraction. And we were able to carry on a random conversation. I have the feeling that she was in the same boat as far as it having been a while since she was close to anyone physically.

I get a slight feeling that we could create a deeper connection, but at the same time, a long term investment as far getting serious is concerned, didn't seem to be there.

And I think I'm way overthinking it, but this is what I do. And who knows, I could be totally wrong. I don't exactly know her that well. Just met her really.

I guess as much as I like to overthink things. I like to leave things up to a whimsy and fancy. I like spontaneity. I like exploring and seeing what happens and where things go.

I guess it's fair to assume people go about doing that in different ways.

I mean I'm talking to another girl who has been holding out, and probably will hold out for a while. And thats cool. But when it comes down to it, in this moment. I'm going to call last nights girl first.

Why?

Because I'm extremely sexual and want physical touch more than anything at this point.

Do I want a serious relationship with someone I can get to know on a deep level. Yeah.

But I feel like when I meet that person we will just know. You sort of feel that connection, or the potential of that connection before it every truly manifests.

And maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm just wishing.

But while I may not be able to explain it verbatim, I have a pretty sure feeling of what it is I am looking for.

Something mental, physical obviously, which is probably the first thing, then would come the mental, then emotional and spiritual.

But I also see spiritual as an all encompassing thing.

Where most people might see spiritual as what religion or god you follow, I see that as a commonality trait, or a difference of opinion.

Spirituality is the culmination of physical, emotional, and mental in my mind.

Because we are spirit. That is our true nature, our true essence. So what ever we are made up of is the sum total of spirit.

And this is probably where my deepness of thought and feeling of connection might come into play.

When I work out, its because I want to take care of my body, I want to be able to create a space for a higher expression of who I am. When I look at creating a better emotional container for myself, its for my progress as a human being and who I am. When I start to overthink things its always from a space of evolving into something higher.

It all plays into spirit. I don't see spirituality as just one thing I work on, but something that is fostered through all aspects of my humanity.

And I'm pretty confident I will find that special someone or someones that does align with how I see things, and we will resonate on some deep level.

But until I find that, I would like to enjoy the random connections I make with others.

And lets face it, I'm not going to let my self get so pent up and stressed sexually in the name of waiting or searching for that one.

I think life just unfolds and as I get to know myself more, and better, I put out into the universe that energy and intention and its a progress of building on everything I have learned and starts to attract that likeness.

While at the same time being opposite. Cause we all know opposites attract, but its always of the same energetic sequence. Magnetism attracts magnetism, but its the opposite poles or charges that come together.

Well I rambled. I think to find a peace about fucking around really.

I have gone through this weird learning and unlearning about sex and what it means and what it is.

I used to fuck randoms and it got to the point where it wasn't satisfying anymore. So stopped doing that and started looking for deeper connections.

But then I found myself all pent up and sexually stressed from not getting it in.

So now I'm thinking its ok to hook up with a random. But don't "turn and burn" or "hit it and quit it". At least not for me. Let the energy foster, let it move and become something, what ever it may want to turn into.

And have fun. No need to completely overthink all of it. All though, overthinking is kind of my staple so I have to, to some degree.

 And there it is.

'La Loving Logan'