3 Days Sober (Weed Sober That Is)
So its been 3 days since I have smoked.
I have been wanting to do this for a while. But always struggled with it. And when I say a while, I mean probably about 5 years or so.
I always wanted to go a month sober, just to clear the head and detox the body. But I would always get to a point where I would rather drink and smoke than be sober....which is probably telling of my mental state and attitude, now that I look back at it.
But here I am. Only stopped smoking weed. Decided I don't want to binge anymore on beer. I have pretty much completely eradicated consuming hard alcohol, we don't get along.
Though I know I will get to a point where I will enjoy a craft cocktail here and there. At this time, I am even to scared to to try an old fashioned out in public. Not because one old fashioned would get me turnt, but because as of late, one sip of whiskey and I pass out/black out. Idk, it doens't treat me right and effects me differently than what I am use to.
But I do enjoy a beer or two when out with friends, or to dinner.
I did binge one more time, last Sunday. I went to the B-52's concert! Amazing, Culture Club was there, such a good time, but I realized....again, that when I'm given the green light, such as, there is a DD and I know I don't have to drive. A switch is thrown in my head and there is no stopping. I drink beer for the sake of drinking beer. Not even to get drunk, I just don't stop cause, well I can drink beer. I don't even stop when I black out, and I keep drinking beer. Then I'm hung over for 2 fucking days while I hate my life lol.
So that was a last straw for me. And I'm super conscious of it now. Before that was a binger at a beach house. Stayed up for about 40 hours drinking and doing naughty things and I hurt real bad in a lot of ways.
So here I am. Changing my life. No more binges. No more weed for now. Just a beer here and there.
And what I am noticing is clarity coming back. I woke up angry the last 2 days about the same thing.
I notice that I actually have to deal with the things that are coming up. I can't numb it with smoking, and watching a movie and passing out.
But its going well. 3 days strong. And today I didn't wake up angry. Probably because I actually opened up to me mum about what was going on at work, and then decided I should do what I was thinking about doing already. I'm going to write an official letter explaining my disgruntles to the boss people.
And I felt better after deciding this. And I got somewhat I good night sleep.
The only thing is, because I am not smoking, I am actually remember my dreams right now, and my dreams are goddamn crazy.
They are so real to me that it's almost like I don't sleep. I feel half awake and half asleep while I'm dreaming. I can almost control the entire dream. Not that I'm lucid dreaming where I can do what ever I want in a dream. But I can rewind and fast forward my dream
Last night, I had a dream that I recognized having before. And I recognized having this dream before, while I was dreaming it. I new what had happened before I new in my dream what had happened.
It was super interesting. Basically a priestly guy, a cohort of mine was stabbed with a very thin shank in the stomach so it wasn't noticeable until it was too late. He bled out. And even though it was like medieval times, I was trying to call for help on my phone that wasn't working properly.
I think someone tapped it and disrupted the frequency now that I think about it.
Any who. I know the weedless-ness will be good for me. It has already proven so. I just need to write this letter, maybe I'll do that now.
I also think, I might be able to start feeling more. Or it is more appropriate to say I will start understanding and being able to flow with my own feelings. I think weed was doing this trickery thing where it numbs my feelings, but causes me to feel everything else, such as other peoples energies and nuances of the collective, before my own feelings.
I also want to start a spiritual practice with weed. But that will come when I'm done riding the sober train. Or maybe I will just know when to start it. It means going about it differently. And it means not smoking every day like I have been.
Any who, till next time.
La Loving Logan
I have been wanting to do this for a while. But always struggled with it. And when I say a while, I mean probably about 5 years or so.
I always wanted to go a month sober, just to clear the head and detox the body. But I would always get to a point where I would rather drink and smoke than be sober....which is probably telling of my mental state and attitude, now that I look back at it.
But here I am. Only stopped smoking weed. Decided I don't want to binge anymore on beer. I have pretty much completely eradicated consuming hard alcohol, we don't get along.
Though I know I will get to a point where I will enjoy a craft cocktail here and there. At this time, I am even to scared to to try an old fashioned out in public. Not because one old fashioned would get me turnt, but because as of late, one sip of whiskey and I pass out/black out. Idk, it doens't treat me right and effects me differently than what I am use to.
But I do enjoy a beer or two when out with friends, or to dinner.
I did binge one more time, last Sunday. I went to the B-52's concert! Amazing, Culture Club was there, such a good time, but I realized....again, that when I'm given the green light, such as, there is a DD and I know I don't have to drive. A switch is thrown in my head and there is no stopping. I drink beer for the sake of drinking beer. Not even to get drunk, I just don't stop cause, well I can drink beer. I don't even stop when I black out, and I keep drinking beer. Then I'm hung over for 2 fucking days while I hate my life lol.
So that was a last straw for me. And I'm super conscious of it now. Before that was a binger at a beach house. Stayed up for about 40 hours drinking and doing naughty things and I hurt real bad in a lot of ways.
So here I am. Changing my life. No more binges. No more weed for now. Just a beer here and there.
And what I am noticing is clarity coming back. I woke up angry the last 2 days about the same thing.
I notice that I actually have to deal with the things that are coming up. I can't numb it with smoking, and watching a movie and passing out.
But its going well. 3 days strong. And today I didn't wake up angry. Probably because I actually opened up to me mum about what was going on at work, and then decided I should do what I was thinking about doing already. I'm going to write an official letter explaining my disgruntles to the boss people.
And I felt better after deciding this. And I got somewhat I good night sleep.
The only thing is, because I am not smoking, I am actually remember my dreams right now, and my dreams are goddamn crazy.
They are so real to me that it's almost like I don't sleep. I feel half awake and half asleep while I'm dreaming. I can almost control the entire dream. Not that I'm lucid dreaming where I can do what ever I want in a dream. But I can rewind and fast forward my dream
Last night, I had a dream that I recognized having before. And I recognized having this dream before, while I was dreaming it. I new what had happened before I new in my dream what had happened.
It was super interesting. Basically a priestly guy, a cohort of mine was stabbed with a very thin shank in the stomach so it wasn't noticeable until it was too late. He bled out. And even though it was like medieval times, I was trying to call for help on my phone that wasn't working properly.
I think someone tapped it and disrupted the frequency now that I think about it.
Any who. I know the weedless-ness will be good for me. It has already proven so. I just need to write this letter, maybe I'll do that now.
I also think, I might be able to start feeling more. Or it is more appropriate to say I will start understanding and being able to flow with my own feelings. I think weed was doing this trickery thing where it numbs my feelings, but causes me to feel everything else, such as other peoples energies and nuances of the collective, before my own feelings.
I also want to start a spiritual practice with weed. But that will come when I'm done riding the sober train. Or maybe I will just know when to start it. It means going about it differently. And it means not smoking every day like I have been.
Any who, till next time.
La Loving Logan
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