Excessive anything is too much

I woke up with a slight feel towards the sad spectrum.

And I'm inclined to think that it stems from my recent actions, or in-actions.

I binge drank. I go against my truest desire to be sober and rest well, and I put things in my body in an excessive amount and then pay the price and get set back from the progress I have made.

Its difficult because I sense a disconnect between friends. I difference in interests causes us to grow apart. I no longer wish to do the things I use to do.

I desire to be as healthy as I possibly can. I desire to get proper sleep and progress forward in my attempt to be clean in my body, and become stronger.

Binge drinking coutners that. And to hang with friends who do this, counters that.

Its a hard decision but it has to be made. It is what it is. Its not bad, just sucks in a way.

But I know that I will be happier for it in the long run.

I think this whole issue is part of the reason I have the feels today.

I also binge drank at a concert. So I know its not just a friends issue, its an internal issue. I can't so no, when I get the green light, like I don't have to drive or worry about anything. Then its balls to the wall, beer after beer till I don't remember anything.

I don't like that I do this.

Ideally, I would love to be able to be happy go lucky without drugs and alcohol. And i have had this thought before.

I just need to focus more on getting through the withdraw stage, not that my body is dependent on drugs or alcohol. But my decisions and feeling a certain way is.

Time will heal this.

Let it be.

La Loving Logan

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